take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
