I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
