hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The adults are the big ones right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
