It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
