So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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