Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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