she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
