If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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