Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
