I bet he comes in French.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
