There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
