sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
