So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
