Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
