Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
