So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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