we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
