Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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