hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
