Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
