I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize