the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
