I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
