Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
