he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
