he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
