my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
