What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
