Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
