just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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