I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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