I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
