Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
