My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
