We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
