ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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