I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
