my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
