dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
