Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
