I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
