I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
