woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
