omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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