question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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