booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
