can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i think i just lost a toe
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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