Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
