I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
