I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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