My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
