Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
