Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
