Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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