I heard we made out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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