there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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