if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
