y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i love accidental penises.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
