It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
