Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
