OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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