Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
