I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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