That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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