why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize