i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
