garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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